The Bear Experience

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river,
he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
& saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top
of
him, reaching for him with his
left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist
and even credit
creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?
The atheist looked directly into the light,
'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a
Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

' Very Well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear
dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, Amen

Last But Not The Least

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. as they stand at the pearly gates waiting to enter paradise and meet their maker,
God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
they're all lined up, and God asks the first one what his wish is. " i want to be gorgeous", and so God snaps his fingers and the wish is granted. the second one in line hears this and says "i want to be gorgeous too" Another snap of his fingers and the wish is granted.
this goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
whent there are only ten people left, the guy starts rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reches this las t guy and asks him what his wish will be. the guy eventually calms down and says "Make em all ugly again."